About me

officially my name is amanda but all my family and friends have always called me missy so im in the habit of answering to both. im 28yrs old and live in ayrshire, scotland and went to uni to do my bachelor of science degree so that i could work in my dream job as a nurse

im an angel mummy to a beautiful princess called aria-storm who was stillborn at 34wks gestation on friday 30th june 2006 at 05:17pm. i had a relatively easy pregnancy which had gone smoothly until at 34wks i went to the maternity unit for a check up as i was having reduced movement. aria was always a really active baby but i thought i was probably just being paranoid and everyone was expecting it to be a wasted journey. obviously the first thing they did was get the doppler out to check on her heartbeat and even when they didnt pick it up straight away i was still thinking that she was maybe laying in an awkward position. it was when the midwife said she was just going to ask the consultant to have a quick look at me that i realised there was something seriously wrong.

my whole world collapsed around me when he told me that we had lost the babys heartbeat. i dont know how long had passed but to me it felt like they were taking action straight away. i was given IV hormones to induce my labour and in just over 3 and a half hours later my angel made her entrance into the world. even although i knew she was gone part of my was still praying with all my strength that it was a mistake and anytime now i would here her cry.
part of me died along with her on that day and my life has never been the same since. people keep telling me that it will get easier in time but last december i gave up my job as a staff nurse because i had slipped back down into a deep depression and im still struggling yet. everyone means well when they say they understand but the only people who can possibly and fully understand is other parents who have lost a child.

Last week we unexpectedly we found out we are having a little rainbow baby but it's still early days yet even though all went well at our dating scan. I had worked my estimated due date to be 23rd November but after our scan and the baby's measurements our date is Friday 25th November 2011. Scary stuff xx