Been quite ill the past week and a half with a bad urine and kidney infection so been resting up. We went for our fetal heart scan on Weds 20th April and all looks good so far so they have decided just to keep an eye on me weekly for the time being but baby seems to be holding his/her own. The usual symptoms of feeling sick and tired have been creeping in but that is to be expected lol.
It is Easter Sunday today and although I feel blessed that we have baby alien it doesn't stop me from missing Aria terribly, I keep thinking that we should have been out rolling our eggs down the hill this morning and had an egg hunt around the house for her to find her chocolate eggs and bunnies but instead I have nothing apart from pictures and memories. I really hope that the easter bunny made a pitstop in heaven and gave all our angels their easter eggs. My precious angel will never realise just how much mummy misses her.
I have an appointment on Tuesday at my GP for another urinalysis to check on the infection since my antibiotics have now finished and then we have the hospital on Wednesday to check on baby alien. Fingers crossed that everything is still ok xx
Sunday 24 April 2011
Saturday 16 April 2011
Rollercoaster of emotions
I know I should be over the moon about our little rainbow baby but i'm going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Yes me and Colin are over the moon about our new baby but at the same time it makes me miss Aria even more and there's an element of guilt creeping in with me wondering if she thinks we have forgotten her or replacing her with the new baby. I vowed to her that she was my first, my last and my everything and there is no-one or nothing on this planet that could ever replace her.
Am I wrong moving on or doing the right thing??? xx
Am I wrong moving on or doing the right thing??? xx
About me
officially my name is amanda but all my family and friends have always called me missy so im in the habit of answering to both. im 28yrs old and live in ayrshire, scotland and went to uni to do my bachelor of science degree so that i could work in my dream job as a nurse
im an angel mummy to a beautiful princess called aria-storm who was stillborn at 34wks gestation on friday 30th june 2006 at 05:17pm. i had a relatively easy pregnancy which had gone smoothly until at 34wks i went to the maternity unit for a check up as i was having reduced movement. aria was always a really active baby but i thought i was probably just being paranoid and everyone was expecting it to be a wasted journey. obviously the first thing they did was get the doppler out to check on her heartbeat and even when they didnt pick it up straight away i was still thinking that she was maybe laying in an awkward position. it was when the midwife said she was just going to ask the consultant to have a quick look at me that i realised there was something seriously wrong.
my whole world collapsed around me when he told me that we had lost the babys heartbeat. i dont know how long had passed but to me it felt like they were taking action straight away. i was given IV hormones to induce my labour and in just over 3 and a half hours later my angel made her entrance into the world. even although i knew she was gone part of my was still praying with all my strength that it was a mistake and anytime now i would here her cry.
part of me died along with her on that day and my life has never been the same since. people keep telling me that it will get easier in time but last december i gave up my job as a staff nurse because i had slipped back down into a deep depression and im still struggling yet. everyone means well when they say they understand but the only people who can possibly and fully understand is other parents who have lost a child.
Last week we unexpectedly we found out we are having a little rainbow baby but it's still early days yet even though all went well at our dating scan. I had worked my estimated due date to be 23rd November but after our scan and the baby's measurements our date is Friday 25th November 2011. Scary stuff xx
im an angel mummy to a beautiful princess called aria-storm who was stillborn at 34wks gestation on friday 30th june 2006 at 05:17pm. i had a relatively easy pregnancy which had gone smoothly until at 34wks i went to the maternity unit for a check up as i was having reduced movement. aria was always a really active baby but i thought i was probably just being paranoid and everyone was expecting it to be a wasted journey. obviously the first thing they did was get the doppler out to check on her heartbeat and even when they didnt pick it up straight away i was still thinking that she was maybe laying in an awkward position. it was when the midwife said she was just going to ask the consultant to have a quick look at me that i realised there was something seriously wrong.
my whole world collapsed around me when he told me that we had lost the babys heartbeat. i dont know how long had passed but to me it felt like they were taking action straight away. i was given IV hormones to induce my labour and in just over 3 and a half hours later my angel made her entrance into the world. even although i knew she was gone part of my was still praying with all my strength that it was a mistake and anytime now i would here her cry.
part of me died along with her on that day and my life has never been the same since. people keep telling me that it will get easier in time but last december i gave up my job as a staff nurse because i had slipped back down into a deep depression and im still struggling yet. everyone means well when they say they understand but the only people who can possibly and fully understand is other parents who have lost a child.
Last week we unexpectedly we found out we are having a little rainbow baby but it's still early days yet even though all went well at our dating scan. I had worked my estimated due date to be 23rd November but after our scan and the baby's measurements our date is Friday 25th November 2011. Scary stuff xx
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